I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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