Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
