So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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