Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
