Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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