Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
