after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
