glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize