he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
