No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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