I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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