Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
