there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
