the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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