bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
look no pants
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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