OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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