WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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