Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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