I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
