I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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