i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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