he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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