Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
