I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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