I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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