sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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