The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
