My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
