good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
