I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
