it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize