That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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