Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
