: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
