Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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