dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize