Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
