Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
