I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
