so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
