I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
