I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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