Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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