i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
