With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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