I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You smell like stripper and shame
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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