Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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