i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
