She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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