I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
