You can't motorboat a personality
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
