Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my sisters under your porch take her home
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize