Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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