The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Drunk is not a location!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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