All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
