that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
