and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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