How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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